Cosmetic attachments to make it look as if your bike has STI cables, or suspension forkNote: email addresses in these old postings are probably all obsolete!
Subj: Superleggero bearing balls
Date: Sat, Apr 1, 1995 6:07 PM EST
NEW SUPERLEGGERO BEARING BALLS
Would you buy a frame made out of solid bar stock? Of course not! Frames made of hollow tubing are obviouly much lighter.
So why are you still riding on old-fashioned solid steel bearing balls? You should equip your bike with new Superleggero hollow bearing balls, less than half the weight of normal ordinary bearing balls.
Half the weight means you will be able to go twice as fast! And this is all rotating weight, so the effect on your acceleration is even more pronounced. You will be able to blow off and humiliate your riding buddies when the light turns green!
Each 1/4" ball saves you over 1.3 grams, similar savings on other sizes! Order yours Today!1/4"----------------$4.95 each 7/32"----------------$7.50 each (special order only) 3/16"----------------$3.95 each 5/32"----------------$3.50 each 1/8"----------------$2.95 each
5% quantity discounts on orders over $500.00
Send payment in advance (cash only) to CaptBike@aol.com
Ask about our new Superleggero aluminum break cables, too!
Sheldon "Caveat Emptor" Brown
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Date: Sat, Apr 1, 1995 7:37 PM EST
CC: firstname.lastname@example.org (Multiple recipients of list)
I can't believe you are selling hollow bearing balls. Don't you know that a recent NTSA study showed that these have too much internal shear in them under load. Come on, read up. I don't have time for this, its snowing like mad outside and I am going to go cross-country skiing.
Date: Sat, Apr 1, 1995 7:48 PM EST
From: email@example.com (Dave Clary)
CC: firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com.EDU, firstname.lastname@example.org
Hey, Sheldon, I'll take a gross of those 7/32's. Just make sure they are delivered to my address sometime between 1 and 2 a.m. tomorrow night!
o Dave Clary
_/\-\__* Texas P-38 Squadron
(_) o (Tail # 573)
Date: Sat, Apr 1, 1995 7:50 PM EST
From: email@example.com (Angus Cameron)
CC: firstname.lastname@example.org, email@example.com.EDU, firstname.lastname@example.org
Hope you realise this is now obsolete technology. The really hot balls are the titanium vacuum sputtered bearing balls with graphite cores. Self lubricating too. And only $49.95 for the 1/4 inch with 0.002" wall size.
For the really serious riders they extract the graphite through sub micron hole electro machined holes to cut the weight by another 0.62422 grams. But these do require lubrication.
While I've had some success with aluminum cables I really think that braided silk cables offer much more in the way of aesthetic appeal if you're willing to accept a little more *stretch*.
Date: Sat, Apr 1, 1995 10:35 PM EST
Subj: Re: Superleggero bearing balls
Dear Mr. Clary; I regret to inform you that you have evidently been the victim of theft. The $1026 in cash was missing when I received your order for one gross of 7/32 Superleggero bearing balls; I assume you still want your merchandise, so I am forwarding it by internet tonight, freight collect. Since the internet is evidently not safe to send cash over, please FedEx a certified check for $1026 to my account.
You should file an appropriate insurance claim with the Internet to recover your lost cash (you did insure it, didn't you?)
Ebeneezer Throtwhistle, Accounts Receivable
CaptBikeCo Inc, Ltd, GMBH, SA, AB
Date: Sun, Apr 2, 1995 3:30 AM EST
From: email@example.com (Tom Luongo)
What colors are available?
Subj: Supperleggaro this pal
Re: your ad for bearing balls, she almost had the potential to look like an ad in RCN. ("the recumbent rider's Koran") However, if you don't mind my saying so, after all I am a polite Northern Italian, next time, you should insert a " pssss, this is hot!!! The hottest thing of the year, and definitely the hottest thing of the week!!! These will definitely be the hottest thing for the recumbent world ever, in all time, at least till the next issue." Please feel free to use this in your next ad, gratis, free, without charge, of course. Anyway, I would like to market my Lithuanium spokes with your bearing balls, I think they both have the same value to the world biking community. I am working on a cross promotion with the Disney channel, which is the hottest channel, pssss, mama mia, it's too hot, Virgin Mother help me....
April 1, 1996 assorted lists & newsgroups
Try New Bayonetz (tm) Bar Endz!
The ultimate bar end for the aggressive cyclist, as useful in the backwoods as they are in the urban jungle. Bayonetz (tm) Bar Endz are made of the highest quality stainless steel*, sharply pointed and honed to a razor edge. For the courier or other urban cyclist who has to get through dense crowds in a hurry, one glance at these aggressively styled accessories and the pedestrians will part before you like the Red Sea before Moses!
The knife portion of the Bayonetz (tm) is instantly removable by an ingeniously-designed quick release mechanism (Pat.Applied for) for packing your bike into your car without damage to the upholstery, or for use around the campsite, (or for off-the-bike hand-to-hand fighting...your bike is your best friend, be ready to protect it!)
Bayonetz (tm) feature deep grooves on the sides of the blade, which not only make them lighter, but improve blood flow and facilitate blade-retrieval.
When removed from the bike, most of the weight of the quick-release mechanism stays with the handlebar, so Bayonetz (tm) are perfectly balanced for accurate throwing.
The quick-release mounts are designed for differential strength. They are very strong in the vertical dimension, so you can honk on them with complete confidence, even out-of-the-saddle.
In the horizontal dimension, the mounts have a very thin, breakaway design; this means that if they should get snagged on something (or somebody) they will snap off neatly. This is an important safety feature, so that you will not lose control of the bike, and possibly crash!
*We realize that, usually, no bicycle accessory is any good unless it is made of titanium. We have done extensive R & D before perfecting the incomparable Bayonetz (tm) bar ends, and discovered that titanium just doesn't hold an edge well enough for this application. In addition, we found that we were unable to make a titanium prototype with proper balance for throwing--the stuff is just too darned light!
Get your pair today, by emailing $200 cash (new style bills only) to:
Bayonetzat-symbol sheldonbrown.com; your Bayonetz (tm) will be emailed to you with in 24 milliseconds. Fully guaranteed or half your money back!
Sorry, this offer not avaialable in southern North Carolina, northern South Dakota, or eastern West Virginia.
Sheldon "Bayonetz (tm)" Brown
| Today's helpful hint: save weight and prevent theft: |
| Secure your seatpost with epoxy cement and throw away |
| that heavy binder bolt...let's face it, you aren't |
| going to grow any taller, you don't need adjustability! |
I really resent your using [mailing list] to try to sell merchandise. I'll try to avoid any products I see associated with your name.
I was not amused at your add placed in the rec.bycle newsgroups. I for one will not use your product due to this unethical advertising. News Groups are for information exchange not advertising.
Learn proper Netiquette you so-and-so. This mailing list is for the discussion of bicycle advocacy. We don't want to be spammed by all you bozos advertising new products.
(This last one fooled me, it turned out to be some kind of April Fool's prank message! Imagine that!)
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